Everything I Ever Wanted and More

I came across this article and it bothers me.

The couple discussed in the article were trying for a second child when they did IVF and ended up pregnant with twins and very upset.  I hope that the expecting parents discussed in the article dispel their preconceived notions before the twins are born.  The expecting mother worries that she has ruined her family and the expecting father is “pissed.”  What could actually ruin the family is the display of resentment, verbally or non-verbally, toward the children for being born.  It would be  horribly damaging for the children to grow up around angry parents with the knowledge that their parents wished either or both twins never existed.

In our first IVF experience we had a conversation with the IVF Doctor and he quickly but clearly explained our options on the day we were transferring embryos to our surrogate Marie.  We transferred three embryos, two implanted successfully, and AJ and JJ were born premature at 32 weeks in 2007.  They were challenging as infants but the boys had made us so happy that we decided to do IVF again last year.  Honestly, we were aiming for just one more child.  But transferring a single embryo has a low success rate.  We opted to transfer two embryos instead of the standard three recommended by the Indian Doctors.  Fate decided to give us DJ and MJ.  IVF is a roll of the dice, we knew the odds of the various possible outcomes going in each time, and we still feel blessed with the actual outcomes regardless of what our preferences were going in.  Besides, having the first set of twins we consider ourselves reasonably prepared and not too overwhelmed handling the second set.

I hope this couple learns to love their children the way we have loved our two sets of twins since before day one.  Children should be regarded as blessings, not burdens.

The Dice, December 2006

The Dice, December 2006