Summer 2017

Today is the last day of summer for us.  Tomorrow, AJ and JJ start 5th grade, and DJ and MJ start Pre-K.

In the aftermath of our wedding this spring, we had a busy summer filled with birthdays, family trips, and even a short honeymoon!

#DavidandJoshForever

From very early on in our relationship, we have been very committed to each other.  On our 1st anniversary, Josh got us a pair of simple gold bands for us to wear.  Seeing us with these rings, I think many people assumed over the years that we were already married.  We never saw the need to have a wedding ceremony because we were already very committed to each other, and the only additional benefit we sought was legal recognition.

When marriage equality finally came nationwide in 2015, we did not immediately marry because we did not want to rush, and because we wanted the date to have personal significance.  With a new administration in place we have felt the need to gain better legal protection for our family.  Our 20th anniversary, March 31st, felt like the perfect date for our wedding.

The wedding turned out beautifully and as planned.  Josh and I wanted to blend elements from our Jewish and Chinese heritage into the ceremony and reception.  We also wanted to have our 4 kids play an active role.  More than 180 of our friends and family gathered on that night.

Photos from that night have been trickling back in the weeks since, and I will update this post if more come in.

 

Twenty Years of Love

In March of 1997, Josh and I started dating.  After the first couple dates, I knew there was something very special developing between us.  On March 31st, we went out and stayed up all night walking in the streets of NYC and talking about “us.”  We have always regarded March 31st as our anniversary.  Tonight, it will become our wedding anniversary!

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#DoYourJob

Married four times, won't let gays marry once.

Married four times, won’t let gays marry once.

I just want to take a moment to say, “I told you so.” Five months ago I posted about all the fuss with bakers and florists refusing to serve gays, and I predicted that the true dilemma would be government officials like Kim Davis, County Clerk in Kentucky, refusing to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples.

After she turned same sex couples away, they filed suit along with the ACLU and asked for punitive fines, not jail time. Kim enjoyed free (and bad) legal representation from Liberty Counsel and proceeded to refuse court orders to do her job. She was quickly dismissed by the SCOTUS earlier this week and was thrown in jail for contempt of court yesterday after again refusing to issue licenses, or even to allow her deputies without moral objections to do so in her stead.

And now the conservatives have their darling martyr of the moment sitting in jail. She is surely raking in cash donations from sympathetic haters nationwide and will be laughing all the way to the bank as soon as she is released. I want the media to do a “Where Are They Now?” investigation on Sweetcakes by Melissa, Memories Pizza, and Kim Davis 10 years after their 15 minutes of infamy to see how holy they are living their lives after cashing in on hate.

Love Wins, Hate Loses, and Life Goes On…

Notorious RBG is my hero!

Notorious RBG is my hero!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the months leading up to this momentous day in history, I have engaged in an increasingly rancorous dialogue online debating marriage equality. Opponents of marriage equality, some of whom profess to be civil and respectful, escalated their political statements into personal attacks against me and my family calling me “sick,” “criminal” and likening me as a gay parent through surrogacy to a rapist, a human trafficker or a child abuser. This type of defamation enraged me, but Josh and some other wise souls helped me realize that what I was experiencing was the last, bitter, fitful and truly impotent gasps of a hateful movement sliding into the wrong side of history. I needed to disengage, because they couldn’t touch us, and our contented lives would go on regardless.

After the Supreme Court of the United States affirmed marriage equality in all 50 states this morning at 10 a.m., what was next? A co-worker congratulated me. I spoke with Josh on the phone and discussed what to pick up at the grocery store. I came home and put on my Ruth Bader Ginsburg t-shirt in celebration. The boys spent some time in the pool while the babies played with cars and balls on the patio. I will cook Shabbat dinner for our family, and we will be extra thankful for our blessings today. After we put all four kids to bed, Josh and I will probably crack open a bottle of wine and share a toast. Our lives will go on largely unchanged, but maybe someday soon, we will get legally married and add an extra sheen of dignity to our already happy lives.

What’s next for the hateful opponents of marriage equality? Many of them were howling on Twitter about what they saw as an injustice today, but it didn’t appear that many people were listening or responding. I imagine that their lives will go on, too. The fact that their LGBT neighbors will be permitted to marry will have no bearing on their lives whatsoever. It won’t touch them. Many of them will realize that society did not crumble because of marriage equality like they predicted it would. Some of them may live long enough to read in the history books about their shameful movement and feel a twinge of guilt for having been a part of it. Even if they never come to this wisdom, I will try not to be resentful toward them. People who choose to waste so much time and energy fussing about other people’s lives and not their own deserve pity, not hate.