Memories and Loss

Growing up in New York my family would gather almost every weekend at Aunt Nancy and Uncle Roger’s house to have dinner and play mah jongg betting quarters into the night.  These gatherings were very routine and content.  We enjoyed spending time with each other.  I imagine there were several times that seated around me at the mah jongg table for four were my Grandmother, my Uncle Roger, and my Uncle Mike.

Uncle Roger died last year after a long battle with cancer.  Aunt Nancy sold the house in New York and moved to California last month.  About a week after she left, my Uncle Mike was a pedestrian hit by a car.  He lingered comatose for about a week before he died on a Monday, and my Grandmother who had been suffering from Alzheimer’s died three days later that Thursday. Although she was very advanced in her dementia, my family thinks she wanted to be with her son when she was told the news.

All of this loss in my extended family, especially the sudden loss of Uncle Mike, has taught me a lesson to cherish every moment with my family.  I stop myself from getting upset over relatively trivial things.  I should be grateful for the time I have with Josh, JJ, AJ, DJ, and MJ because I never know when we could be walking down the street and they could be taken from me in an instant.

This photo was taken just before AJ and JJ were born.  Three are no longer with us.

This photo was taken just before AJ and JJ were born. Three are no longer with us.






Early Sunday morning we heard the news that a shooter had murdered many people at a gay club in Orlando, Florida.  We were immediately concerned in part because we have friends who were in Orlando last week to celebrate Gay Days.  We later learned that they were home safe before the shooting started, but many were not so lucky.  49 LGBT people and their allies had their lives cut short, and 53 people were injured.  This is the worst mass shooting in US history.

In the aftermath, it has become clear that the shooter was an American born Muslim who was married twice to women but apparently frequented gay dating websites and clubs.  He legally purchased the two guns he used to commit these crimes and even though he had been on terrorist watch lists, the Republican controlled Senate blocked a bill that would prevent such people from buying guns last December.

I sincerely hope this incident teaches many that homophobia and self loathing can indeed be lethal.  Maybe this will result in some sensible gun control laws, but I do not have a lot of hope.  After all, if a classroom full of 1st graders slaughtered in 2012 couldn’t move GOP controlled Congress to do something, what chance do 100+ dead and injured homosexuals have today?

We’re Uncles!

I am so happy to announce that my sister Annie and brother in law Rahul welcomed their first baby this week.  My sister toughed out a difficult delivery and baby boy L is doing great.  Rahul and Annie have already had some good practice helping us with AJ and JJ when we took two extended trips to India a few years ago, so I know they will be great parents.

Annie and Baby L

Annie and Baby L

New Daddy Rahul

New Daddy Rahul

Baby L

Baby L

Launch Day and Book Review

Today is the official launch day of Eric Rosswood’s new book, Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood.  I was able to receive an advance copy and wrote a glowing review for it on Amazon.  Of course, I am somewhat biased given the fact that I contributed our family story to this collection of personal stories about gay and lesbian parents.

With that said and having now read the entire book, I think Eric Rosswood did a marvelous job. I really do wish a book like this existed when Josh and I were originally considering our options for family building.

It is very well organized into five sections covering different paths to parenthood for same sex couples: Open Adoption, Foster Care, Surrogacy, Assisted Reproduction, and Co-Parenting. Each section includes multiple representative firsthand stories by gay and lesbian people that went through it themselves. Each story takes you on an emotional roller coaster toward parenthood that keeps your attention while at the same time informing you of the highs and lows that may occur along the way. I think that same sex couples hoping to have children will have better understanding of practical issues, but especially the emotional complexities that come with each approach after reading these personal stories. Other books may focus on a single approach, or read more like a clinical manual. This book is warm and intimate.

For the detail oriented, the end of the book comes complete with multiple appendices that comment on legal issues, benefits and challenges, and questions to ask yourself when considering each of the five different paths to parenthood.

I encourage any gay or lesbian couples interested in pursuing parenthood to check this book out today!

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Meet Tyson

For a few years before AJ and JJ were born, Josh and I had a retired racing greyhound named Madison.  She was already more than 10 years old by the time we took her in and she sadly died of old age shortly after we learned we were expecting AJ and JJ.  Even in the short couple years we had together I became very fond of the breed and I always told myself if we ever had another dog it would be a greyhound.



For the last couple years the boys have been bugging us about getting a dog.  After the holidays we could stall no longer and contacted an agency that specializes in fostering greyhounds.  I felt this would be a good trial period to make sure that DJ and MJ were okay around dogs and vice versa.

DJ, AJ and...TJ!

DJ, AJ and…TJ!

Tyson Jo (TJ for short, ha!) is a male greyhound almost 3 years of age that raced at a dog track.  He had a short but reasonably successful career winning 8 of the 52 races he ran in.  Below are video replay links to the races he won!  He retired last year and has been waiting for adoption for several months in a kennel.  We took him in and introduced him to his first house a couple weeks ago and he has adapted remarkably well to the environment.  Of course, the kids have quickly become attached and AJ in particular loves this dog.  It looks like this foster situation is quickly evolving into a forever home.

Race 1

Race 2

Race 3

Race 4

Race 5

Race 6

Race 7

Race 8